This is a marathon.
When my oldest daughter was roughly three, we clashed. If she misbehaved, I lost my temper. It was like she pushed all my buttons and I didn’t know how to deal with the situation. A wonderful family therapist was recommended and she changed everything. Dr. Thomson helped me understand that my angry reaction to my daughter’s impulsivity only exacerbated the situation. I would get angry and yell which did nothing to calm my daughter.
We were taught modalities to manage the inevitable situations mothers have with small children in rather simple ways. Among other things, what Dr. Thomson taught me to take ten breaths to calm down. She wanted me to learn how to handle difficult situations after removing some of the emotion. The goal was to find a way to manage my emotions in a way that was kinder to myself and my daughter.
The most important aspect of what I learned, and what I continue to attempt (I am not always successful) all these years later, is to first remove the emotion when I’m running hot. Disengage until I feel more emotionally calm. If I don’t take this time, it’s a guarantee things will escalate and quite likely the results I most long for will be unrealized.
These tactics continue to be one of my guiding stars today.
To be clear, this does NOT mean pushing away or ignoring difficult emotions. It just means that I must calm my body before I can engage. Maybe I write, lift weights or walk intensely. Sometimes I meditate, just paying attention to my breath.
Then, I respond.
I might still cry mid-sentence or raise my voice, but I try to come back to considering just what outcome I long for.
If I desire an outcome where I want to be heard, then I must put aside righteous anger, personal attacks, or negative comments.
And this is hard.
This is especially hard today. I need action. So, I write letters or make calls to my representatives daily, and post countless updates and memes on Instagram and Bluesky. I write in my journal and make art. Daily walks, yoga and weight lifting help me expend anxious energy. My stomach doesn’t tolerate food well when I’m anxious, but I try maintain a healthy diet. I meditate most mornings and evenings so I can remember how to breathe.
Like the days when I was challenged by the tantrums of my oldest daughter, I don’t want to exacerbate my already heightened emotions of today’s daily bad news barrage.
Staying informed is difficult today, but for me, knowing what is happening provides a concrete awareness versus a vague discomfort. A concrete awareness allows me to add my voice constructively whenever possible.
As I write this, demonstrations against the dismantling of our democracy are happening all over the country. I can’t attend this one, but I’ll be there the next time. And the next. And the next. I suspect there will be many.
This is a marathon. Please take care of yourself first and foremost–then roll up your sleeves and lend your voice wherever you can.
Things you might want to know:
Economic Blackout on February 28
