I say this because the women I meet don’t need fixing. They might say they do, but I don’t see it. Women over 50 are wise. Introspective. Realistic. Brave. Fascinating. Strong. They have been through LIFE and are living to tell their stories. These women need a bigger stage, not a smaller one.
One of the first things I do in the morning after I brew my coffee is scroll through the headlines. I sit in the dark and explore the latest news. And lately something has been standing out and driving me crazy. So, of course, I had to write about it.
Meaningful conversation is a part of the experience with every woman I photograph. These women are brave and allow their vulnerability to greet the light of day. I stand in awe of them. One thing I’ve learned is that almost every woman has some sort of negative self talk about their age or their bodies. This is nearly universal. My interviews with men have the same elements though these concerns tend to be slightly different. Men seem to be more concerned with their physical and mental strength as they age while women express concern over the external signs of aging. Women shyly share worries about that extra five pounds, wrinkles around their neck, changes in their skin and any sign of increasing age. Men talk about their brains slowing down or the need to adapt their physical endeavors.
Some mornings I sip my coffee while skimming over headlines that tell me there is a pill to defeat aging or the correct diet to eliminate a hormonal belly or an article that states menopause has nothing to do with weight gain. Stay out of the sun, don’t drink alcohol, don’t eat carbs. These cosmetics will make you look younger. Pay attention to these ‘aging tricks.’ There are diets to slow down aging and make a 60 year old body return to bikini wearing. And so on.
Aside from articles on older movie stars who still look great and yet are interviewed like they are an oddity, there is little encouragement to find comfort in our older skin. Unless we follow certain rules of course.
Older women are quite possibly, one of the least understood demographics in American society. Aging is a natural part of life and yet we are implored to avoid it.
I say this because the women I meet don’t need fixing. They might say they do, but I don’t see it. Women over 50 are wise. Introspective. Realistic. Brave. Fascinating. Strong. They have been through LIFE and are living to tell their stories. These women need a bigger stage, not a smaller one.
Other headlines tell me about the “30 under 30” or the “40 under 40” rockstars in some business or other. What I want to see instead are the women (and men) well past 60 who have begun businesses, made a philosophical life change, or have found great joy in leaning into their dharma or life purpose. Men and women who have said, ‘screw it, I’m going in,’ often defying those that might think they are too old or that their unique idea is nuts. Oh man, do I love those humans! Many of us are able to do such things precisely because we are over 60. Because we have lots of mileage and experience to trust.
Many, many years ago I sat on a couch with gentle lamplight across from a remarkable therapist. If I remember correctly I was nearly in tears that the decisions I was making, decisions that I knew were right for me, were unpopular with friends and family. Her answer, paraphrased, was that because I was moving forward on an unconventional path, I might not have lots of company. I should not expect to be understood. She also reminded me that I might make people nervous because of my life direction.
This was important to hear because I, like so many, desire understanding, support and others who cheer me on. I needed the praise that I wasn’t getting enough of. Eventually, I needed to distance myself from those that could not appreciate my personal journey or have confidence in what I knew to be true for me. I found my people and my life changed. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, I finally felt heard. I felt real.
So when I read headlines admonishing women to reach for false fruit aging improvement, I think of those moments. I wonder what it might be like if the news was full of interviews with women like those I spotlight. What might we feel about our bodies, our aging, our voices? I suspect we would feel so very good. Younger friends and communities that don’t tell us we need fixing but instead look inside our lives and say, “Hey you are wise and lovely,” might completely change this negative narrative.
Everywhere we turn we are told not to trust our own instincts, our bodies, our appearance. This makes life after 50 crazy hard. It’s a challenge to stomp on the breaks after a lifetime runaway train of propaganda about beauty and see beyond what is reflected in the mirror, to instead trust our wisdom. It’s a challenge to ignore all the calls to defy age.
Of course we can all improve ourselves. And some of us could benefit from a healthier diet or more exercise and attention to self care. This is common sense. But repeat after me: aging is a natural part of life. We are aging precisely because we are alive.
This should be celebrated.
